This really blew me off today . . . I think I've been searching for a real definition of this feeling of complexity for so long and these simple yet poignant words just wowed me when I read them this morning. I am somebody without labels, definitions, fake priorities of shoulds and must-haves and all that - I am me and that is so many mes all wrapped up in one and I don't want to let go of any of them. They may mature, change over time, so their voices are subdued and some others take over but they are all inside. A teenager who knows the lyrics to all new MTV/VH1 tunes, a geeky bookworm in eternal quest for knowledge, a doting mom, a loving wife, a sexy woman, a clumsy woman, a sister, a friend, a child, a big goof, an all-too-serious grown-up, prone to tears and rages and meek as a lamb all at once, all in one, me!
Musings of a would-be-blogger
Wednesday 2 October 2013
Friday 16 August 2013
33
It's my birthday! Yaaay me! I'm 33! And I like it! It's a glorious day, sunny and warm, not too hot, I've been woken up by my Darling Daughter with kisses and best wishes, I've made a ginormous cake, chocolate of course, I am going to spend most of the day in the office but it's ok, I'm fine with that, because I'll make up for it tonight (Beer Fest, r'n'r music and dust) and tomorrow (with the girls). And on Sunday there will be a big family lunch, more cake, everything befitting a proper birthday bash! Today nothing dampens my spirits, I am happy, I feel loved and I love myself, life and the world!
Thursday 8 August 2013
Melting Point
IT"S SO HOT TODAY! A hot wind is blowing, my skin is sweaty and sticky since the moment I stepped out of the house this morning and it's not a good day to be doing anything actually. I feel like going home, slumping on the bed nearly naked and reading . . . maybe . . . or just sleeping . . . Of all days I've chose today for wearing another pair of high-heeled wedges, although I forgot how pleasantly comfortable are these. Exhibit 1 below:
You don't see the high heel but it IS high believe you me! At least my legs look better in high heels, a bonus no woman will ever give up lightly. Despite the pain . . .
I rummaged through sales racks in both Zara and Mango. Nothing spectacular or worth spending on. I'm not impressed really and I'm not that prone to parting with the hard earned cash for something I find merely tolerable. That prompted me to start thinking of what I have in my wardrobe, what can be worn this coming autumn/winter and what is past its due date. This will help me focus on what I really need to fill the gaps.
(it's good to talk to yourself like this every once in a while, helps keeping the wallet from seeing sun light too often and the bank balance stays in the pink!)
I rummaged through sales racks in both Zara and Mango. Nothing spectacular or worth spending on. I'm not impressed really and I'm not that prone to parting with the hard earned cash for something I find merely tolerable. That prompted me to start thinking of what I have in my wardrobe, what can be worn this coming autumn/winter and what is past its due date. This will help me focus on what I really need to fill the gaps.
(it's good to talk to yourself like this every once in a while, helps keeping the wallet from seeing sun light too often and the bank balance stays in the pink!)
Thursday 1 August 2013
Wednesday 31 July 2013
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Next month i will be turning 33. Wow! The Jesus' years, the 'you're in your fourth decade and you cannot ignore it any longer' years, magic years. It's hardly time for looking back and casting nostalgic looks over the decades past - I still think I'm too young for that, but a few home truths have definitely hit me as I tallied up the numbers and came up with 33.
I always thought I'd have at least two kids by the time I'm 33. And I thought I'd have at least a master degree under my belt if not a PhD. For the rest, I'm pretty much there with the hopes and dreams of my youth. A proud mom, a wife and a partner of 14 years, a home-owner (married to the bank, counting every penny towards loan payments though, but still;), and working for almost 10 years now. Not bad, I need to pat myself on the back more often, though not too often or I'll get complacent.
When I look in the mirror, I see a mature version of my round face, pale complexion and baby-blues. I see wrinkles and lines, I see redness that just won't go away but is under control and I see a difference after a good night's sleep which means time is taking its toll on the suppleness of my skin.
I started exercising regularly two months ago and I see a difference in the shape of my body and what is more important I feel stronger and am aware of certain muscles I didn't know I had before. The long and winding journey to full self acceptance and making peace with my body image and whatever looks back at me from the mirror is a place I haven't reached yet, but I seem to be getting there easier with years.Oh, and, I'm completely gray haired. Blame it on bad genes. Root touch ups every six weeks are a must.
I still feel like a teenager about certain things - I listen to all the latest music, I know all celebrity gossip and I fall in love with movie stars every now and then, passionately and hopelessly, as can be evidenced from the sidebar of this blog. Other than that, I'm pretty much too grown up and serious about most things in my life, which can make me seem strict and unforgiving, and black-or-white, but no, in reality there is a lot of grey I see, understand and have in my life as well.
What I wish to change is to become a better listener, to shift the focus away from the all-consuming thinking/behaving like 'me' is the center of everything and really pay attention to other people. Not that I don't but I want to do more of it. Listening and really engaging with others makes us feel human and also lets us have another look at ourselves and our lives from a different perspective that a constant inward look cannot provide.
What I also wish is to do more of the things I seem to have forgotten I like. I want to learn another language, I want to read more books, I want to go out dancing more often and I want to travel more, more, more.
I say, bring it on 33!
I always thought I'd have at least two kids by the time I'm 33. And I thought I'd have at least a master degree under my belt if not a PhD. For the rest, I'm pretty much there with the hopes and dreams of my youth. A proud mom, a wife and a partner of 14 years, a home-owner (married to the bank, counting every penny towards loan payments though, but still;), and working for almost 10 years now. Not bad, I need to pat myself on the back more often, though not too often or I'll get complacent.
When I look in the mirror, I see a mature version of my round face, pale complexion and baby-blues. I see wrinkles and lines, I see redness that just won't go away but is under control and I see a difference after a good night's sleep which means time is taking its toll on the suppleness of my skin.
I started exercising regularly two months ago and I see a difference in the shape of my body and what is more important I feel stronger and am aware of certain muscles I didn't know I had before. The long and winding journey to full self acceptance and making peace with my body image and whatever looks back at me from the mirror is a place I haven't reached yet, but I seem to be getting there easier with years.Oh, and, I'm completely gray haired. Blame it on bad genes. Root touch ups every six weeks are a must.
I still feel like a teenager about certain things - I listen to all the latest music, I know all celebrity gossip and I fall in love with movie stars every now and then, passionately and hopelessly, as can be evidenced from the sidebar of this blog. Other than that, I'm pretty much too grown up and serious about most things in my life, which can make me seem strict and unforgiving, and black-or-white, but no, in reality there is a lot of grey I see, understand and have in my life as well.
What I also wish is to do more of the things I seem to have forgotten I like. I want to learn another language, I want to read more books, I want to go out dancing more often and I want to travel more, more, more.
I say, bring it on 33!
Thursday 25 July 2013
Peaches and Cream
It's the season of peaches and I'm enjoying it to the full since they are my favorite fruit. There is a nice elderly gentleman selling them on our local market that has trouble speaking but is nevertheless very nice to his customers and has really first-class goods so in addition to really loving the fruit I like seeing him throughout summer and going to the same set of nods and smiles when buying peaches every time. Being a clumsy person, I'm also a messy eater so I end up with stains from peach juice dribbling down my hands but the messiness of consuming peaches also makes me like them more. And if that's not enough, read here why peaches are good for you!
Other summertime joys these days consist of watching reruns of a great danish TV series - Borgen - every night with the hubby. It's a great political drama with complex characters, great dialogue and a plot that keeps you guessing with every new episode. Inevitably there's love affairs galore, tit-for-tat party politics, backstabbing, loudmouth journalists - all necessary for a good story on politics and power. I also like the fact that the Prime Minister is a lady - sometimes it really hurts to watch what she is made to do and become in order to stay afloat among the political opponents, her own party friends who watch for the least inkling of a wrong move to jump at the opportunity to oust her from the position of power and especially how that affects her personal and family life. Warmly recommended for hot summer nights ;)
When working, this Bastille album just keeps playing in the background, helps me think, concentrate better:
When working, this Bastille album just keeps playing in the background, helps me think, concentrate better:
The latest shoe craving:
I mean, what's not to love?
Wednesday 24 July 2013
Hindsight vision is 20/20
The rough part is making the right decisions, doing the right things, taking the right path now. And not having regrets/second thought later on. If only I could send out some wise words to my younger self, there are things I would have done differently. Because now I know and I understand so much better.
I would have cleared out all issues related to body image once and for all at the age of fifteen. I would tell myself 'you're young and you're beautiful, everything about you is beautiful - your body, your skin, your hair, your face - own it, enjoy it, appreciate it and feel good about it now!'
I would make myself be less hard on, well, myself. I would lose the guilt trips, let myself fail and pick up and go from there - failure is not a bad thing, you can't live in constant fear of failing and be paralyzed by it. You need to fail and fail early enough in order to be able to grow from it. Suck it up soldier and move on!
I would stress less about almost everything, especially my studies. But I would also feel more confident about being smart and showing it. Always. Without the fear of looking stupid. Without apologizing for it.
I would doubt myself less. Because, in all honesty, you can do anything if you are prepared to work hard and learn. Nothing mysterious about it. Just plain hard work, sweat of your brow, elbow grease.
I would pay so much less attention to what anyone has to say about anything and just go with my gut. People and their views on your life/actions/mistakes are only as important as you make them out to be. If you're going to make mistakes, make them your own so that later there is no one else to blame.
And I would smile more and be happy more and savor every moment of being happy and go out more, dance more. I wouldn't do drugs through. I don't regret that.
I would have cleared out all issues related to body image once and for all at the age of fifteen. I would tell myself 'you're young and you're beautiful, everything about you is beautiful - your body, your skin, your hair, your face - own it, enjoy it, appreciate it and feel good about it now!'
I would make myself be less hard on, well, myself. I would lose the guilt trips, let myself fail and pick up and go from there - failure is not a bad thing, you can't live in constant fear of failing and be paralyzed by it. You need to fail and fail early enough in order to be able to grow from it. Suck it up soldier and move on!
I would stress less about almost everything, especially my studies. But I would also feel more confident about being smart and showing it. Always. Without the fear of looking stupid. Without apologizing for it.
I would doubt myself less. Because, in all honesty, you can do anything if you are prepared to work hard and learn. Nothing mysterious about it. Just plain hard work, sweat of your brow, elbow grease.
I would pay so much less attention to what anyone has to say about anything and just go with my gut. People and their views on your life/actions/mistakes are only as important as you make them out to be. If you're going to make mistakes, make them your own so that later there is no one else to blame.
And I would smile more and be happy more and savor every moment of being happy and go out more, dance more. I wouldn't do drugs through. I don't regret that.
Monday 22 July 2013
Friendships
Evolution of these ties that shape our lives is something that I think about often. Especially how our personal (r)evolutions affect our friendships. I don't always have the best answers, or any answers for that matter.
The one thing that seemed to work best so far is just letting go, not forcing it, letting all pieces fall into place in order to (re)establish balance, understanding, renew trust and confidence. You can't force people to understand you or go through the same things you're going through and think the same or come out the other end the same.
Using yourself and your experiences as a starting point for any relationship only helps so much and it often becomes a big obstacle to communication. The most important thing is to listen. Offering sage advice comes second to that. Sometimes people just need to be listened to. They don't need instant solutions. They just need your time and that feeling that you understand. God knows I do.
Being a friend is one of the roles we assume in life, just like being a partner, a child, a parent, a sibling. At a certain point in our lives being a friend becomes more important than all other roles. For me it was my youth, high school and university years to an extent. That 'me' was was in a way the best, most easy going and natural version of me. I was a friend and I received so much from my friends. We were a support system, a forum for debates and checks of everything important in our lives, an unquestionable hub of trust, loyalty, love and understanding.
As we grew up, things changed. I can only speak about myself so I will - I changed in as much that my expectation of ultimate trust and understanding now shifted towards my boyfriend (who will later become my husband). And that detracted from my friendships. I was heart and soul 100% in this relationship so the focus of my energy shifted to making it work and to figuring out what the hell am I going to do with my life.
Fast forward a decade and I'm back at reestablishing myself. I fell in love, lived through a fulfilling relationship (and I still am in the same one), got married, had a child and am hammering at my career - I went full circle. Now I'm back to myself. To speaking to and listening to myself. And figuring out how friends and friendships fit in this.
I never stopped loving my friends. I never stopped expecting to give and receive the ultimate support that needs no explanation or cause. I need to feel loved by my friends. I need to be important to them. I also need to be able to show and make them feel important to me.
So I try. And in some instances I just tried too hard. So some friendships fell apart. The oldest ones, from way back in my childhood. Some fell apart and some are watered down to phone conversations every six months. Is that friendship? Or is that feeling that you're just picking up wherever you left last the only thing that matters even though it happens twice every year over the phone? I miss the presence of some of my friends. The actual physical exchanges. And for some of these I went the extra mile but never got the mile in return. So I stopped. And I take whatever is given and consider it enough.
I want to grow old with my friends. I want us to go to the theater/movies/coffees/drinks in our seventies. And be able to speak about everything, truthfully and honestly as ever. And laugh together a lot because my biggest problem is that I take life way too seriously most of the time!
The one thing that seemed to work best so far is just letting go, not forcing it, letting all pieces fall into place in order to (re)establish balance, understanding, renew trust and confidence. You can't force people to understand you or go through the same things you're going through and think the same or come out the other end the same.
Using yourself and your experiences as a starting point for any relationship only helps so much and it often becomes a big obstacle to communication. The most important thing is to listen. Offering sage advice comes second to that. Sometimes people just need to be listened to. They don't need instant solutions. They just need your time and that feeling that you understand. God knows I do.
As we grew up, things changed. I can only speak about myself so I will - I changed in as much that my expectation of ultimate trust and understanding now shifted towards my boyfriend (who will later become my husband). And that detracted from my friendships. I was heart and soul 100% in this relationship so the focus of my energy shifted to making it work and to figuring out what the hell am I going to do with my life.
Fast forward a decade and I'm back at reestablishing myself. I fell in love, lived through a fulfilling relationship (and I still am in the same one), got married, had a child and am hammering at my career - I went full circle. Now I'm back to myself. To speaking to and listening to myself. And figuring out how friends and friendships fit in this.
I never stopped loving my friends. I never stopped expecting to give and receive the ultimate support that needs no explanation or cause. I need to feel loved by my friends. I need to be important to them. I also need to be able to show and make them feel important to me.
So I try. And in some instances I just tried too hard. So some friendships fell apart. The oldest ones, from way back in my childhood. Some fell apart and some are watered down to phone conversations every six months. Is that friendship? Or is that feeling that you're just picking up wherever you left last the only thing that matters even though it happens twice every year over the phone? I miss the presence of some of my friends. The actual physical exchanges. And for some of these I went the extra mile but never got the mile in return. So I stopped. And I take whatever is given and consider it enough.
I want to grow old with my friends. I want us to go to the theater/movies/coffees/drinks in our seventies. And be able to speak about everything, truthfully and honestly as ever. And laugh together a lot because my biggest problem is that I take life way too seriously most of the time!
Friday 19 July 2013
Wait, what, it's Friday?
This Friday caught me off guard, a whole week whizzed by . . . And then this morning was one of those when nothing goes according to the plan, beverages are spilled, stains in inappropriate places, no time to change, rush, rush, rush, uphill in completely inappropriate shoes:
Why oh why did I have to wear them today? I am always complimented on them and I like them (ALDO purchase from a few years ago) but trying not to be late to work when I'm already late and distraught with all the mishaps of the morning in a pretty high wedge heeled sandal is not a wise thing to do. I wasn't very patient with my daughter because of all this so I'm trying to make amends - I printed out a whole bunch of Little Mermaid coloring pages and I can see a crafty weekend coming for the two of us.
In order to stay sane and up to the task at work, this is my mantra:
Why oh why did I have to wear them today? I am always complimented on them and I like them (ALDO purchase from a few years ago) but trying not to be late to work when I'm already late and distraught with all the mishaps of the morning in a pretty high wedge heeled sandal is not a wise thing to do. I wasn't very patient with my daughter because of all this so I'm trying to make amends - I printed out a whole bunch of Little Mermaid coloring pages and I can see a crafty weekend coming for the two of us.
In order to stay sane and up to the task at work, this is my mantra:
It would have been my dad's 59th birthday next week. His last birthday in 2010 we spent together and it was a very special day. We have great pictures together, we made him a special lunch - marinated tuna steaks, and I made him a cake. It was one of the last times that he was feeling well and was in a very good mood before he died a few months later. I miss him so much.
Tuesday 16 July 2013
Vanity
. . . as in my vanity table/shelf actually, which is just leaned against a wall in my bedroom and filled with bits and trinkets, holding all the jewelry amassed over the years, perfumes, memories, sun glasses, etc. The main reason for posting - my daughter's arranging skills. She finds it to be a perfect playground and as she really likes her small toys she just brings them over to my room and sits in front of the mirror arranging them, making up stories, putting them to bed, and God knows what else, her imagination is unstoppable. Every day when I come home from work I find another arrangement which brings a smile to my face. Mind you, I am not allowed to move anything, she gets very upset! This is how it looked like this morning . . .
Monday 15 July 2013
Manic Mondays
It's one of those Mondays when everything is just so crazy from the moment you open your eyes and you feel pulled at in all directions without a clear picture how you're going to get anywhere. I feel the need for a holiday so acutely today that my head hurts. It was a busy weekend, yesterday filled with home cooking and entertaining guests. It's always great when you're spending time with your friends and their kids and you see the extension of them in their offspring taking on a whole new shape and a whole new life, little, cute, ever improving, better versions of ourselves.
Three little things make my life today a little more bearable:
Earrings, a gift from my husband for my birthday last year. His personal choice ;)
A new bottle of a fragrant favorite, gift from mom.
New lip gloss - happiness in a less than 2 EUR tube, a girl's dream
Three little things make my life today a little more bearable:
Earrings, a gift from my husband for my birthday last year. His personal choice ;)
A new bottle of a fragrant favorite, gift from mom.
New lip gloss - happiness in a less than 2 EUR tube, a girl's dream
Friday 12 July 2013
Friday Favorites
1. I just love how rummaging through the piles of clothes in the morning I become inspired to get something out - a piece of clothing or an accessory - for a proper airing after a long time. That happened with this necklace this morning. I found the striped tee I wanted to wear and in a sudden epiphany I realized it matched perfectly with this necklace so I took it out and about town for the first time after months and I am very pleased with the results (see exhibit below):
2. I managed to work through my frustration at having my mother-in-law with us this weekend (for all the obvious reasons daughters-in-law feel frustrated with their husbands' moms) and during my lunch break today I took her shopping for a swimming suit. A daunting experience for us 30-somethings let alone for a 65-year old who baulks at the granny looking back at her from the mirror. I helped and gently persuaded and pushed and assumed a tone of a mother treating a rather petulant child and we pulled it off in the end. And I'm glad I helped.
3. This song has been in the background of a grueling week at work, energizing a tired mind and making my body shuffle at least a bit while slumped in a horribly uncomfortable chair behind the damned computer screen:
2. I managed to work through my frustration at having my mother-in-law with us this weekend (for all the obvious reasons daughters-in-law feel frustrated with their husbands' moms) and during my lunch break today I took her shopping for a swimming suit. A daunting experience for us 30-somethings let alone for a 65-year old who baulks at the granny looking back at her from the mirror. I helped and gently persuaded and pushed and assumed a tone of a mother treating a rather petulant child and we pulled it off in the end. And I'm glad I helped.
3. This song has been in the background of a grueling week at work, energizing a tired mind and making my body shuffle at least a bit while slumped in a horribly uncomfortable chair behind the damned computer screen:
4. The weekend ahead and the prospect of entertaining dear friends at our new place is making me happy and full of plans for a perfect Sunday late lunch menu. So far, the following items have made the list:
- roasted thigh or shoulder of any decent meat we find at our butcher's
- stuffed eggs (courgette and butter based stuffing, yummy!)
- mashed taters with basil and bacon (a total improvisation, will report on the success or lack thereof)
- celery, apples and walnut salad
- rocket, tomatoes, pine nuts and Greek goat cheese salad
- and an apple tart with vanilla ice cream and dates for dessert
I'm hungry just writing about it!!!!!
Breathing Earth
I was profoundly touched by a documentary my husband and me watched this week at the Belgrade's Summer Festival (BELEF). Directed by Thomas Riedelsheimer, it portrays the genius of Susumu Shingu, a Japanese artist creating magnificent sculptures replicating the movement in nature, primarily that of wind and water. His philosophy of life is so simple yet so hard to achieve for the mere mortals living off a paycheck and worrying about mundane occurrences such as bank loans and bills. What struck me the most about this remarkable man is the youthfulness of his spirit - he is 75 and yet his eyes and his smile are that of a young boy, exploring the world with the same curiosity of spirit and freedom of thought and dreams found mainly in children. The documentary is full of poignant, breath-taking photography and Mr. Shingu's unique wisdom, well worth investing 92 minutes!
 |
| Susumu Shuingu's sculpture at Hermes, Tokyio |
Wednesday 3 July 2013
Cancer
Today marks the beginning of another chapter of my family's ongoing battle with cancer. After my aunt died of liver failure caused by cancer metastases in 2001, aged 50, and after my father died of same causes in 2010, aged 56, their sole remaining sibling, my other aunt, is starting chemo today because of breast cancer. She is 61.
Should I feel better because the age at which this silent killer attacks is extended in each case? I hoped it would skip her and we, the second generation, could find a grain of consolation in that and not think of ourselves as destined for doom once we hit 50. What does this say of our genetic make up? Statistics are ruthless. We are all in great risk by sheer virtue of being our parents' offspring. One 'faulty' parent is all it takes.
I am aware a lot of this has to do with lifestyle and habits, environment and circumstances. But among the three of them, my father was the one who most contributed to his own demise and one would think ok, fair enough, he had it coming. For my eldest aunt who died first - no such explanation/excuse. She led a healthy life, ate well, exercised, and went for regular check ups. And yet when she was diagnosed they gave her 2-3 months before the bitter end. She beat all the odds and survived that prognosis by two years. But she never lived to see her daughter get married and give birth to two beautiful granddaughters.
My other aunt is overweight, granted, and a chain smoker, so I guess it's no surprise as well. But in her case the monster didn't raise its ugly head until she ventured into her 60s. And breast cancer has by far a more optimistic survival rate than liver/colon cancer. Yet, I'm not consoled. I'm worried and sad. I am trying to stay positive and send positive thoughts her way and I really, really want her to fight a good fight and come out victorious at the other end.
Another thing I'm noticing - dealing with this, the disease, the diagnostics, the surgeries, the chemo and prognosis - it's somehow easier each time. You know the drill, you know how it goes and what lies at each turn. And the fact that I have a doctor husband does not actually help - I am faced with the ugly, medical home truths about it all, no sparing my feelings and no beating about the bush. Blood, sweat, vomit and tears. The lot.
I wish I had more positive feelings on this. I wish I had a better attitude towards the disease and doing something about it. I'm still at the stage where I'm mostly paralyzed by prospects and fear for my own life. But I have a child and I have a responsibility to her - to stay sane foremost, and to stay healthy.
Should I feel better because the age at which this silent killer attacks is extended in each case? I hoped it would skip her and we, the second generation, could find a grain of consolation in that and not think of ourselves as destined for doom once we hit 50. What does this say of our genetic make up? Statistics are ruthless. We are all in great risk by sheer virtue of being our parents' offspring. One 'faulty' parent is all it takes.
I am aware a lot of this has to do with lifestyle and habits, environment and circumstances. But among the three of them, my father was the one who most contributed to his own demise and one would think ok, fair enough, he had it coming. For my eldest aunt who died first - no such explanation/excuse. She led a healthy life, ate well, exercised, and went for regular check ups. And yet when she was diagnosed they gave her 2-3 months before the bitter end. She beat all the odds and survived that prognosis by two years. But she never lived to see her daughter get married and give birth to two beautiful granddaughters.
My other aunt is overweight, granted, and a chain smoker, so I guess it's no surprise as well. But in her case the monster didn't raise its ugly head until she ventured into her 60s. And breast cancer has by far a more optimistic survival rate than liver/colon cancer. Yet, I'm not consoled. I'm worried and sad. I am trying to stay positive and send positive thoughts her way and I really, really want her to fight a good fight and come out victorious at the other end.
Another thing I'm noticing - dealing with this, the disease, the diagnostics, the surgeries, the chemo and prognosis - it's somehow easier each time. You know the drill, you know how it goes and what lies at each turn. And the fact that I have a doctor husband does not actually help - I am faced with the ugly, medical home truths about it all, no sparing my feelings and no beating about the bush. Blood, sweat, vomit and tears. The lot.
I wish I had more positive feelings on this. I wish I had a better attitude towards the disease and doing something about it. I'm still at the stage where I'm mostly paralyzed by prospects and fear for my own life. But I have a child and I have a responsibility to her - to stay sane foremost, and to stay healthy.
 | |
| Dragonfly - the perfect example of the fleetingness of life |
Friday 19 April 2013
Friday Five
Five things on a glorious Friday like today that tickle my fancy:
1. Fantastick wall stickers and this fabulous heart tree that I got for my daughter's new room:
She loves it, it takes a bit of time to get it up properly and stick it to the wall without any small bubbles of air or creases but it's well worth the effort!
2. Ben Howard, 'The Fear':
1. Fantastick wall stickers and this fabulous heart tree that I got for my daughter's new room:
2. Ben Howard, 'The Fear':
Magnificent voice, great poetry, have been listening on repeat since yesterday . . .
3. Vedrana Rudan, 'U zemlji krvi i idiota' (In the land of Blood and Idiots):
 |
| Source |
4. Blooms in unexpected places, or spring incarcerated:
5. decor8 - the best interior decor blog on the web in my humble opinion. The esthetic of places shown, images conveyed, DIY ideas and colors is amazing as you can see below:
 |
| Source |
Thursday 18 April 2013
Random Acts of Kindness
When walking to work every morning I have to pass through a rather narrow street the actual width of which does not prevent drivers from speeding by as if on the Monaco rally. The curb is also a narrow strip of security not wide enough for two people to pass each other by without one of them stepping onto the street. It's been a few mornings now that several different people, men I have to say, have made a conscious effort to step onto the street and let me pass by safely. These gestures were made swiftly but deliberately enough to make me realize in a few seconds that I was passing by that those were acts of kindness and paying attention to the person coming your way. I feel good about this as it says people are not as insensitive, callous, mindless and rude as we are led to believe these days. No, there are enough regular people around, we just have to notice.
In other, less serious observations, look what caught my fancy these days:
In other, less serious observations, look what caught my fancy these days:
 |
| Source |
As well as these:
 |
| Source |
Be still my beating heart! I kinda need both, but given my 30-year marriage to the bank I'll wait for the sales. There's no harm in looking, though, right?
Watching reruns of Homeland and the first season of The Americans - I'm a sucker for a good spy story.
And spring is finally here!!!
Wednesday 27 March 2013
By Popular Request
What better reason to break off this almost two-months long silence than to cater to a request from my best friend.
Her brother's wedding is coming up, there is a skin-tight LBD secured, what is left is the shoes.
They have to be killer shoes and they have to be manufactured by the local shoe company/brand LILU. Not an easy task as the winter collection is still in stores and spring is nowhere to be seen - it's been snowing in Belgrade for the past few days.
I thought of suggesting a red pair along the lines of these below:
A beautiful warm red, would break the black beautifully, but . . . The heel is not high enough!
Then I spied with my little eye a pair of animal print ones, a slightly higher heel, round toe, see below:
Not bad but still something missing, the wow factor is just not there.
And then this morning, the mother of all killer shoes shows up on LILU's facebook page:
It's black, I know, it does not break the LBD with a splash of color, but I suggest, my dear, you use other accessories for that. This is a perfect sexy shoe for a perfect sexy lady you are! The heel, the pattern, the pointy toe, I can see you in them and I can see how putting them on and walking tall with those long slim legs of yours could be so empowering! You're one hot lady, embrace it, own it and show it to the world!
Case closed, the jury is out - I'll let you know about the verdict ;-)
Her brother's wedding is coming up, there is a skin-tight LBD secured, what is left is the shoes.
They have to be killer shoes and they have to be manufactured by the local shoe company/brand LILU. Not an easy task as the winter collection is still in stores and spring is nowhere to be seen - it's been snowing in Belgrade for the past few days.
I thought of suggesting a red pair along the lines of these below:
A beautiful warm red, would break the black beautifully, but . . . The heel is not high enough!
Then I spied with my little eye a pair of animal print ones, a slightly higher heel, round toe, see below:
And then this morning, the mother of all killer shoes shows up on LILU's facebook page:
Case closed, the jury is out - I'll let you know about the verdict ;-)
Friday 8 February 2013
Oh Ye, of Little Faith
That is me, actually, in the past two weeks. Completely desperate and lost, without faith or confidence that everything will work out in the end, and you know what? It did, it really did.
Thursday 31 January 2013
A woman like me, for example
Not enough sanity or patience for a proper blog post these days. But I found this to be oh so true . . .
A woman like me, for example
A woman like me, for example
(translation by Stuart Krimko)
A woman
doesn't deserve
the time
to dedicate herself
to things that interest her.
Because...
Is it because the things that interest a woman
aren't interesting?
Or is it because....
A woman doesn't show enough interest
in the things that interest her for others
to think they're interesting and give her the time?
Or is it because...
The interesting things she does are things that are interesting to someone else
precisely because they're things that someone else doesn't find interesting?
A woman asks herself
so many questions...
A woman like me, for example
who has a few brief moments
to do something that interests her.
And while these moments pass her by
she asks herself
Was this what I wanted to do?
Ask myself questions like these?
Waste this precious hour they have granted me
thinking about things I'm not even sure I want to think about?
Does a woman really deserve
the time to do the things she wants to do
if she doesn't know what she wants to do, really?
Does she deserve the time it takes
to believe that she wants to do something?
Does it even make sense to keep thinking about it?
It doesn't matter,
the lost time is what it is to be a woman.
A woman like me,
for example.
So it is and so it must be and so it must not be
When a female human being thinks of herself
she thinks
about whether she is a human being or not.
A woman believes she has to be so smart
that the rest of the world has to convince itself that in fact she's quite stupid
because deep down she believes that the more she's cast aside
the freer and happier she'll be,
cast aside to the place in life cast aside by the means of production.
That wondrous place where ungovernable things thrive,
ungraspable things,
things like life and death,
and time and love and secrets,
and beauty and intuition,
and the universe and everything inside it,
simple and meaningless things,
among other "things."
Or something like that... I think.
Anyway.... it's very difficult to finish a poem
and give it a fixed meaning.
But I did pretty good, right?
A woman is someone like me, for example.
Thursday 24 January 2013
Unlived Lives
“It seems a strange question until one realizes how much of our so-called mental life is about the lives we are not living, the lives we are missing out on, the lives we could be leading but for some reason are not. What we fantasize about, what we long for, are the experiences, the things and the people that are absent. It is the absence of what we need that makes us think, that makes us cross and sad.”
“All of us lead two parallel lives: the life we actually live and the one that we wish for and fantasize about. And this life unlived (the one that never actually happens, the one we might be living but for some reason are not) can occupy an extraordinary part of our mental life. We share our lives, in a sense, with the people we have failed to be – and this can become itself the story of our lives: an elegy to needs unmet, desires sacrificed and roads untaken….Adam Phillips demonstrates that there might in fact be much to be said for the unlived life. …he suggests that in missing out on one experience we always open ourselves to the potential of another, and that in depriving ourselves of the frustration of not getting what we think we want, we would be depriving ourselves of the possibilities of satisfaction.”
Adam Phillips, Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life
“All of us lead two parallel lives: the life we actually live and the one that we wish for and fantasize about. And this life unlived (the one that never actually happens, the one we might be living but for some reason are not) can occupy an extraordinary part of our mental life. We share our lives, in a sense, with the people we have failed to be – and this can become itself the story of our lives: an elegy to needs unmet, desires sacrificed and roads untaken….Adam Phillips demonstrates that there might in fact be much to be said for the unlived life. …he suggests that in missing out on one experience we always open ourselves to the potential of another, and that in depriving ourselves of the frustration of not getting what we think we want, we would be depriving ourselves of the possibilities of satisfaction.”
Adam Phillips, Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life
 |
Tuesday 22 January 2013
Daydreaming . . .
It's end of January almost and it feels like spring in Belgrade with unseasonably high daily temperatures. That kind of weather makes me feel all dizzy with the promise of sunnier and warmer days to come in a few months. It also makes me think of summer holidays and days spent by the sea. This is where I feel at my best and where I want to spend my life . . . Alas . . .
For me, seaside is Greece, the Mediterranean, sun, olive trees, pristine beaches, crystal clear sea, great food, wine, and easy living in the long hours of siesta . . .
The pictures are from our last year's destination, the small village of Kalamitsi on the Sythonia/Halkidiki peninsula
Every morning, without fault, the big blue beckons . . .
The small bay
Mighty Mount Athos in the background
Beautiful Salona/Thessaloniki/Solun
Thursday 17 January 2013
Outfit of the Day
Just because my head is about to burst and I like the particular color combo that I'm wearing today. And the shoes of course . . .
I love this Mango cardie from the sales a few summers back, although I'm not sure about the vertical stripes across the hips, but - whatever ;-)
The shoes are one of my favorites. They are designed and made in
Serbia, which makes me particularly happy as I like to wear local
designer brands. Check out their facebook page LILU Fashion Shoes, they have some pretty rad designs!
The same pair, from another angle, styled by me ;)
Perfect pointy-toe, kitten heel black patent leather pumps - I could live in them!
I bought these at the end of summer sales so I can't wait for warm weather to actually wear them!
I love this Mango cardie from the sales a few summers back, although I'm not sure about the vertical stripes across the hips, but - whatever ;-)
Monday 14 January 2013
Together for 60 years
It is my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary today! Sixty years, people, sixty years of a balanced, harmonious marriage, based on love and respect, that's an achievement in itself!
That is not to say that there haven't been ups and downs, tough times, rough patches, call it what you want. And compromise. But given that my parents got married in 1953 and that both of them were born in 1930, you can see that we are dealing with people from another time, with a different set of values and a different attitude towards relationships, obligations, families, responsibilities. For them, marriage is something you enter into for all the right reasons - they were seriously in love when they got married - and then cherish and work on in order to make it last. It is not to be taken lightly, it is not to be dissolved, solutions and means are to be found, the family is to be kept together and ripe old age and death are to be faced together. Truly, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health . . .
I admire my grandparents for sticking to it, sticking with each other and making it work all these years. I've spent my childhood with them and I grew up on love and care that was always in abundance in their house. Money was never overflowing but there was always enough. My grandad was the bread-winner and my grandma the home maker, though a miracle worker might be a better term for that, given what she managed to do with just one salary.
It was not all plain sailing all the time. They've lived through some really tough times, like the war in former Yugoslavia, and loosing their birth place and members of their families to atrocities of the civil war. Between them, there was also mention of potential infidelity on my grandfather's part at one point, although, reportedly, it never went so far as to become physical. But my grandma suffered some for it, that I know.
Yet, they made it even through that.
It's hard for me to say whether my marriage will see the same ripe old age. But I know I want it to. And I'm willing to work on it!
When talking to my grandparents yesterday, I heard about the weather predicament that could have prevented their wedding from taking place 60 years ago. My granddad spent 12 hours in a snow-blocked train up in the mountains of Lika before being able to reach the village and the whole wedding party that was waiting for him to go and get the bride and get married. There was a lot of drama involved, as we are talking of an age that didn't involve cell phones and wireless communication, so no one basically knew what was happening with him and where he was. Talk about nerve-wrecking!
But he made it and 60 years after they have two children, four grandchildren and two great granddaughters to show for!
p.s. pictures from the weekend spent in my home town in Serbia . . .
That is not to say that there haven't been ups and downs, tough times, rough patches, call it what you want. And compromise. But given that my parents got married in 1953 and that both of them were born in 1930, you can see that we are dealing with people from another time, with a different set of values and a different attitude towards relationships, obligations, families, responsibilities. For them, marriage is something you enter into for all the right reasons - they were seriously in love when they got married - and then cherish and work on in order to make it last. It is not to be taken lightly, it is not to be dissolved, solutions and means are to be found, the family is to be kept together and ripe old age and death are to be faced together. Truly, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health . . .
I admire my grandparents for sticking to it, sticking with each other and making it work all these years. I've spent my childhood with them and I grew up on love and care that was always in abundance in their house. Money was never overflowing but there was always enough. My grandad was the bread-winner and my grandma the home maker, though a miracle worker might be a better term for that, given what she managed to do with just one salary.
Yet, they made it even through that.
It's hard for me to say whether my marriage will see the same ripe old age. But I know I want it to. And I'm willing to work on it!
When talking to my grandparents yesterday, I heard about the weather predicament that could have prevented their wedding from taking place 60 years ago. My granddad spent 12 hours in a snow-blocked train up in the mountains of Lika before being able to reach the village and the whole wedding party that was waiting for him to go and get the bride and get married. There was a lot of drama involved, as we are talking of an age that didn't involve cell phones and wireless communication, so no one basically knew what was happening with him and where he was. Talk about nerve-wrecking!But he made it and 60 years after they have two children, four grandchildren and two great granddaughters to show for!
p.s. pictures from the weekend spent in my home town in Serbia . . .
Friday 11 January 2013
Blah
Some snapshots from yesterday - a day spent in a car coming and going to/from Eastern Serbia. Not my favorite kind of day. I'm still in a mental and emotional daze from the hectic struggle to deal with the bank and get that loan . . . No definite answer yet, maybe next week when the holidays will be finally over . .
The Rtanj Mountain, recently swarmed by thousands of those believing that in the event of the Armageddon that was supposed to happen in December being there would grant them salvation through a huge space ship that will take off of the mountain top . . . Whatever ;-)
See, I told you, holidays are no where near over! Cheesy Christmas decor all around the town
See, I told you, holidays are no where near over! Cheesy Christmas decor all around the town
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)