Celebrations

Today is an important day for me and my family - it is our Slava Day, or the day we pay our respects to the patron saint of our ancestors, Saint Nicholas. Slavas are a big thing in Serbia and to me they, perhaps more than anything else in our orthodox tradition, harken back to the old, pagan days. The whole concept centers around getting into the good books of your patron saint by placating him/her with different offerings - mainly in food and drink - and securing health and prosperity for your family.

Apart from this, Slavas are, or should be, about gathering your family and friends in your home, welcoming them and spending time together to show and feel connected and unified in life and celebrations.

For my family - my parents, my brother and me - this used to be a big thing, a very important day that then got extended to two or three days of guests parading through our home, spending time and leaving well fed and merry. It involved complex preparations (a week before was sacrificed to preparing and producing as much food as possible and procuring all that might be necessary on that day - beverages, tableware, that particular locally produced rakija or wine, etc.) and it would leave us exhausted both physically and financially, but my parents wouldn't have it any other way.

It's this typical Serbian propensity for overdoing it that I found most problematic about marking your saints day, but I'm not going to nitpick about that now. Sometimes I wish I'd taken pictures of the lavish spreads that my parents prepared, delicious food and cakes, the taste of which I still remember very well.

Those times are well and truly over. My dad is gone and my brother took over the Slava, but we don't do the big shebang any more.

We carry on but in a smaller circle of only the closest family members. I miss having my friends over because that made the day special for me and my brother while we were younger.

Although we are all acutely aware of loss and missing my dad on this particular day, I want to start changing our attitude a bit this year. I want us to also feel happy and grateful that we are here and able to sit around the table together and enjoy good food and each others' company.

That is important, the sense of togetherness and being a family, albeit incomplete and permanently damaged in a way.
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To finish off on a lighter note, here are the pictures of a few cute little fellas that will soon make their way to some little people that i want to make smile for the holidays!

The Gang ;-)

For my niece

For a little kitty cat girl

A special white mouse for a special little guy

A sage owl for a thoughtful and smart boy

Midlife Crisis at 30

A great article which I stumbled upon quite accidentally. A good read about the struggles that we, the women in our 30s, have by virtue of being daughters of our mothers who first experienced the pains associated with having it all. Read more

Enlightening ;-)

Let it snow, let it snow!

Although my first preference is to go off somewhere hot and sunny and spend the rest of my life in tropical climes, this first burst of snow in Belgrade this winter is making me smile in a good way. yes it's a logistical nightmare and I feel sorry for anyone who has to use the means of public transport or travel anywhere, but for a mere pedestrian like me it's nice!

The view from my office window today

This was Sunday, after almost 24h of snow

Cheesy Christmas decor in shopping molls, but hey, 'tis the season to be merry ;-)

Recycled lollipop decoration from my daughter's birthday cake now acting as a Christmas tree bauble ;)

 Our office Christmas tree and presents for the upcoming lottery ;-)

Speaking of Body Image

Just have a look see at this lady's brave posting. Hurray for her and hurray for all women on their rocky at times but steady road to self-acceptance!

United Nude Shoes

For ages I've been an avid fan of United Nude shoes. Just look at these beauties:

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Gorgeous color combination, I can just see myself walking down the cobbled streets of Dorcol in the heat of the summer in these and feeling all bold and ready to get on top of the world!

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These babies are just plain dangerous!

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I am seriously considering getting at least these black pumps - they seem like shoes that could be worn every day all day, morning to evening, with anything.

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THE perfect bootie! There is the same pair in brown tones as well.

It so happens that I know a very special and smart lady that is in charge of their import, wholesale and retail in what the rest of the world now commonly refers to as the Western Balkans. Their stuff is awesome, the shoes are a work of art and you can browse more of their offer and outlet/discount prices here: https://www.lilijolie.com/en/

Disclaimer: views expressed here are all my own, I was not in any way compensated by the owner of Lili Jolie to write about their shoes. Just so that we're square on that ;-)

One of Those Days

It really is, one of those when you wonder 'will this downward spiral ever end?' days.

It started with a cold blow to my self-esteem, completely self inflicted and related to outward appearance. One of the moms that I meet on the kindergarten run every now and then showed up today looking like a million dollars - a tall and slim young woman, in an incredible short fur jacket, over the knee, high-heeled boots, a pencil skirt, all black, and a bright pink Prada bag. Short hair, great make-up, a stunner. Cue my own little self in a several years old grey feather coat, sensible flat black boots, a silly Inspector Gadget worthy hat, the works. Or that's how it seemed to me. Add a totally uninspiring outfit, fit for the drab, sterile office environment I work in and the situation had 'disaster' written all over it.

I rarely compare myself to other women. I know what I like about me, what I think could be better/changed, and I have my own personal style which is very me, I think, and I almost never question it. I don't wake up wanting to be this slim, fit, tall version of me I know I'll never be - I just don't think in those impossible terms. Sure, some days I feel better about the way I look, some days I'm less favorably impressed with a reflection in the mirror, but it's never a crisis that cannot be handled. This morning was different, however, and I hated myself for feeling so lowly, so feeble, so easily beaten into a corner and ready to wallow in self-doubt and desperation.

Hectic work atmosphere where I've had to seriously multitask for the past few weeks and the pressure that wouldn't let off, all that just added to the feeling of desperation. Come mid-day, something related to the procedure for the bank loan goes wrong - one document is late, and I crash and burn. Total and complete meltdown, behind the computer at work. Oh, and my mom contributed to that as well. The moment she chose to explain some truths of life was really bad and it just pushed me deeper.

From that point on I just wanted this day to end. I was rescued by my daughter and her laughter and endless energy for a brief while until she went to bed. Now all I want is to curl up in a deep dark hole and not come out for a few days.

I've definitely been under a lot of stress lately and it is getting to me. I held out much longer without breaking down this time than in previous similarly stressful situations, but still. Only this time I acutely feel like I really need to change this pattern of behavior. I really need to stop worrying that much and fretting over details and using up my energy carelessly for unimportant things. I need to take care of myself more as I too have limitations. And I feel like my body is close to a breaking point. If I push it over, it won't be forgiving I know and God knows what it is I may end up having to fight. I don't want that. I want to stick around for a long time, wrinkles and all.

So tomorrow, on goes the make up, some bright colors and a smile, if I manage one. And a drop of perfume for the olfactory pick me up. I hope I feel ready to face the world again.

Our tree is up!

Admittedly quite unusually for the local custom, but I've put the Christmas up already! My daughter is beyond thrilled and I immensely enjoy getting all the bells and whistles out of their boxes and up to the tree. Ours is a plastic tree, I just don't believe in cutting one every year to have it die in a month's time.

Here are the visuals:

It's cute, I like it, it has waaaaaay too many decorations and it's gonna stay up until the end of January! It takes two and a half hours to make it all pretty and nice like this so we may as well enjoy it!