Friendships

Evolution of these ties that shape our lives is something that I think about often. Especially how our personal (r)evolutions affect our friendships. I don't always have the best answers, or any answers for that matter.
The one thing that seemed to work best so far is just letting go, not forcing it, letting all pieces fall into place in order to (re)establish balance, understanding, renew trust and confidence. You can't force people to understand you or go through the same things you're going through and think the same or come out the other end the same.
Using yourself and your experiences as a starting point for any relationship only helps so much and it often becomes a big obstacle to communication. The most important thing is to listen. Offering sage advice comes second to that. Sometimes people just need to be listened to. They don't need instant solutions. They just need your time and that feeling that you understand. God knows I do.

 Being a friend is one of the roles we assume in life, just like being a partner, a child, a parent, a sibling. At a certain point in our lives being a friend becomes more important than all other roles. For me it was my youth, high school and university years to an extent. That 'me' was was in a way the best, most easy going and natural version of me. I was a friend and I received so much from my friends. We were a support system, a forum for debates and checks of everything important in our lives, an unquestionable hub of trust, loyalty, love and understanding.
As we grew up, things changed. I can only speak about myself so I will - I changed in as much that my expectation of ultimate trust and understanding now shifted towards my boyfriend (who will later become my husband). And that detracted from my friendships. I was heart and soul 100% in this relationship so the focus of my energy shifted to making it work and to figuring out what the hell am I going to do with my life.
Fast forward a decade and I'm back at reestablishing myself. I fell in love, lived through a fulfilling relationship (and I still am in the same one), got married, had a child and am hammering at my career - I went full circle. Now I'm back to myself. To speaking to and listening to myself. And figuring out how friends and friendships fit in this.
I never stopped loving my friends. I never stopped expecting to give and receive the ultimate support that needs no explanation or cause. I need to feel loved by my friends. I need to be important to them. I also need to be able to show and make them feel important to me.
So I try. And in some instances I just tried too hard. So some friendships fell apart. The oldest ones, from way back in my childhood. Some fell apart and some are watered down to phone conversations every six months. Is that friendship? Or is that feeling that you're just picking up wherever you left last the only thing that matters even though it happens twice every year over the phone? I miss the presence of some of my friends. The actual physical exchanges. And for some of these I went the extra mile but never got the mile in return. So I stopped. And I take whatever is given and consider it enough.
I want to grow old with my friends. I want us to go to the theater/movies/coffees/drinks in our seventies. And be able to speak about everything, truthfully and honestly as ever. And laugh together a lot because my biggest problem is that I take life way too seriously most of the time!

Manic Mondays

It's one of those Mondays when everything is just so crazy from the moment you open your eyes and you feel pulled at in all directions without a clear picture how you're going to get anywhere. I feel the need for a holiday so acutely today that my head hurts. It was a busy weekend, yesterday filled with home cooking and entertaining guests. It's always great when you're spending time with your friends and their kids and you see the extension of them in their offspring taking on a whole new shape and a whole new life, little, cute, ever improving, better versions of ourselves.
Three little things make my life today a little more bearable:

Earrings, a gift from my husband for my birthday last year. His personal choice ;)

A new bottle of a fragrant favorite, gift from mom.

New lip gloss - happiness in a less than 2 EUR tube, a girl's dream

Friday Favorites

1. I just love how rummaging through the piles of clothes in the morning I become inspired to get something out - a piece of clothing or an accessory - for a proper airing after a long time. That happened with this necklace this morning. I found the striped tee I wanted to wear and in a sudden epiphany I realized it matched perfectly with this necklace so I took it out and about town for the first time after months and I am very pleased with the results (see exhibit below):

2. I managed to work through my frustration at having my mother-in-law with us this weekend (for all the obvious reasons daughters-in-law feel frustrated with their husbands' moms) and during my lunch break today I took her shopping for a swimming suit. A daunting experience for us 30-somethings let alone for a 65-year old who baulks at the granny looking back at her from the mirror. I helped and gently persuaded and pushed and assumed a tone of a mother treating a rather petulant child and we pulled it off in the end. And I'm glad I helped.


3. This song has been in the background of a grueling week at work, energizing a tired mind and making my body shuffle at least a bit while slumped in a horribly uncomfortable chair behind the damned computer screen:

4. The weekend ahead and the prospect of entertaining dear friends at our new place is making me happy and full of plans for a perfect Sunday late lunch menu. So far, the following items have made the list:

• roasted thigh or shoulder of any decent meat we find at our butcher's
• stuffed eggs (courgette and butter based stuffing, yummy!)
• mashed taters with basil and bacon (a total improvisation, will report on the success or lack thereof)
• celery, apples and walnut salad
• rocket, tomatoes, pine nuts and Greek goat cheese salad
• and an apple tart with vanilla ice cream and dates for dessert

I'm hungry just writing about it!!!!!

Bits and pieces

It's been a tough few days with a sick child in my household so there wasn't much sleeping going on actually. Here are the snippets of the last few days, when high fever was not yet in the picture:

 Starry cappuccino, just what the doctor ordered for a perfect Sunday morning ;-)

 More snazzy Christmas decor around the Belgrade cafes

 I would love to indulge in some New Year's punch but in order for it to be special, a few friends with which I usually frequented this place are not in Belgrade, so it just wouldn't be the same to go and do it on my own ;(

 Daily temperatures resemble spring and the snow has melted away. The little flowers think it's March, I bet ;-)

Always a good choice this necklace - a present from a dear friend, I wear it often and always get a lot of compliments for it.















Nothing more to report, I'm afraid. I want the fever to go away!

Edited to add:

 I had to show my own take on the embellished collar trend and my own handiwork for that matter, as well as another beautiful necklace given to me by the same beautiful friend on the doomsday this past Friday which we successfully survived ;-)

Paris

Whenever I wish I was someplace else, it is in Paris. I've been there twice after longing to visit the City of Light since I was a kid. When my uncle came back from his several weeks stay and brought back the maps and pictures of the beautiful city, I was enchanted and all I ever wanted was to go to Paris.

When I started work after University, my boss was this French guy whom I didn't like that much at the beginning. However, we became friends and he ended up doing one of the greatest things for me ever - inviting my husband and me for a week-long stay in his place in Paris as part of our honey moon.

It was the best thing ever! It was April, it was warm and sunny, and we had the free rein of our time and resources. We paved the cobbled streets for hours every day, just drinking it all in - the people, this sights, the smells, awed by the sheer size and lavishness of this grand city.

Nothing was lost on me - the poverty, the beggars, ethnic diversity, morning rush hour, rather pesky waiters when you address them in English God forbid, but also the richness of architecture, art, fashion, a visual feast of a very special kind.

And food. Fantastic food, even plain sandwiches were fantastic. But most amazing for me are the two famous patisseries, Ladure and Pierre Herme, and all kinds of sweet wonders that melted on my tongue.

Our great hosts took us on all sorts of little trips around the city and its vicinity, as well as to great restaurants, a bodega party and a smokey night club, but for me, the city and its never ending noise and rush, the streets, the churches that just jump out at you as you turn a corner, the trees and parks, these made the greatest impression.

We had another trip to France after this and spent a day in Paris before leaving for a lavish wedding ceremony for our hosts and further on, down the Loire valley ending up in Ile de Re in the Atlantic, but that was a whole different story. Amazing and beautiful, but not quite as fabulous as Paris.





It was a dream come true, it was the fulfillment of a childhood dream, it was a honey moon with the man I love, it was my first visit to a Western European city and it was a fairytale.

Circle of Life

News of births and deaths have dominated almost every single day of the past month and a half and it's getting a bit too much for me at this point. Especially as it is that time of the year when the dreaded date of my father's death is approaching and I think of him every day and miss him acutely, physically.

My daughter's birthday is on Saturday and I'm looking forward to it very much, yet I am always so very aware that my father isn't there to celebrate it - or any other family thing - that it messes up my head and I cannot fell 100% happy.

I know I should be grateful for the wonderful family and friends I have and for the rich life I lead, yet I also know that this feeling of loss and of missing an important piece of the whole puzzle is never going to go away. And I can't, I won't fight it.

A childhood friend lost her father last week, a colleague is going through a life-threatening health condition with her father as well and an ex-colleague lost his mother to cancer today. Too much I tell you.

All new little people that came into the world in September and October in my immediate surroundings are doing very well, though, and that I guess is reason enough to be content and at peace with life, fate, destiny, karma, you name it . . .






And for an adequate musical accompaniment, Bastille, Flaws, here. There's a hole in my soul, I can't fill it . . .

Challenges

It seems that the relatively calm waters of my life that have enabled me a somewhat less chaotic existence for the past six months or so are in for a serious storm in the coming period. Things are about to heat up on the home front as the nesting urges voice their protest ever louder and ask for a bigger space. The infamous biological clock is deafening and my daughter is asking for a sibling. All this is related and inter-dependent and all of it is hard and demanding and I'm not sure I have either courage of strength for it, but I'll need to give it a go.

Meanwhile, a few details from a perfect wedding of a dear friend we attended this past weekend.

Outfit combo
















 

  Gladiolas and the view from the wedding party

Bouquet throw

Look to the heavens
















That's it for now.

XOXO
Mimi

Weekend

It's been a busy one. New haircut, short, to avoid pulling all my hair up and securing it with plastic hair clips or, gasp, even a scrunchie at times. Makes me look haggard and washed out. Short hair suits me and makes me look younger. Hey, I'm 32, need to work out the 'aging gracefully' part! Plus my hair is so grey it needs a color every six weeks and that comes cheaper if your hair is short obviously ;) My daughter approves, my husband as well, friends&colleagues alike, as well as my brother - and he's the harshest critic of them all! My mom - she thinks I'm beautiful no matter what, and that's what moms are there for ;-)

Then there were some sad times and some happy times. A visit to the graveyard to tend to my dad's resting place a bit, bring some flowers, light some candles, cry. It's been almost two years and apart from missing him all the time what I hate the most is this almost palpable feeling that the distance between us is becoming ever greater, that I'm drifting farther and farther away, replaying and reliving memories in  my head until I'm not even sure what I really remember. What I wish for the most is to just hug him one more time.

This was counteracted by life, true, happy existence of kids celebrating a birthday, their laughter unmarred by what is to come, pure and honest, precious. I love my daughter more than any other living being in this world, that goes without saying, but I love my friends' kids a lot as well, as if they were my own. I guess that comes from being close with their parents so much.

And in more happy news, look what landed on my desk this morning! Courtesy of a colleague, via Vienna, 2/3 of its price in Serbia, YSL Touche Eclat, the best concealer&highlighter there is. I'm not fussy about my make-up, but having temperamental skin prone to breakouts I can't experiment too much, so when I find something that works, I stick with it. I've been using this since 2006 and I'm a loyal fan.

Another busy week ahead, colder weather, all irrelevant compared to anxiously waiting for a baby boy to come to this world today and a friend to shine at her wedding this coming weekend.

XOXO,

Mimi

Transition

Transitioning lives, transitioning roles, transitioning adulthood - I am recently more acutely aware of all these different aspects of everyday than at other times.

Several of my close and dear friends have either had their lives undergo this remarkable transition called 'child' or are about to undergo one real soon (the stork's been a frequent visitor of many in my immediate vicinity these past moths). Becoming a parent - the most beautiful and yet most difficult and challenging task for any human, at least from my perspective. That is the final act of transition from youth to adulthood. From being a girl, girlfriend, wife to being a mother - the single most important role that will define you until the day you die. No less responsibility or weight in becoming a father as well.

A fairy tale for adults

Another dear friend will walk down the aisle (although she is technically married already ;-), and confirm her oneness with a man she loves before God and before all who matter in their lives. A tremendous transition for any woman. A commitment that is supposed to last a lifetime (and fingers crossed in all earnest it will).

All these things happened to me several years ago, yet whenever they happen to another friend I re-live them and feel joy as well as sadness a bit for myself and for all of us together. Joy for everyone moving forward in their lives and making changes that lead to best possible results - children. Sadness as each wedding and each new child also move us farther away from our careless youths and simple lives that were so full of potential and possibilities, yet so unchartered and new only a few years ago.

These transitioning times also make me realize with more certainty than ever before that I am so lucky to be here to witness all the change and share with everyone I hold dear and special. It also makes me acutely aware of how I lived through my own experience of becoming a mother with very much mixed feelings and sadness over an illness that will eventually take my father. It also makes me cherish more the time we spent together and the fact that he stuck around long enough to meet his granddaughter.

Marriages and new children of my relatives and friends expand this circle of beautiful people with which I share my life and with which I wish my family is surrounded at all times. This makes me grounded and content with the life I have. It also makes all kinds of transitions much easier.

Whenever I'm down I call on you my friend

Fact of the matter is - that's not me, actually, the one that calls on a friend when down. No, no, that's not me at all. I go it alone. Most of the time. That is how I decided early on in life.

That does not mean I don't have friends. I do. I have a few very dear friends without whom I would not be me since these are the girls that I've spent my formative years with and all the things we went through together make me what I am today. For that, I am eternally grateful.

The only thing is that I first need to mull things over inside, deep down, be sad or happy about them, cherish them or perish any thought of them, and only then I might share them with another person. I might, which does not mean that I necessarily will.

I was not always like that. It goes without saying that I've spent most of my teenage years going over everything that happened to me in the course of a day with several friends, but I think I always held a little of it back. Not information, but my feelings about things. My deepest insecurities, fears, or inclinations. For fear of being judged, dissected, hurt, ridiculed. Not that my friends would do that. It's just my fear and I think everyone fears that at some level, consciously or unconsciously.

All these friendships have evolved during the years. We are not, none of us, those same persons we were when we set off in our childhood or teens. I am not the same person. I am not nearly as carefree or sure of myself as I was. Strange, because that confidence should actually come with the wisdom of age, but not in my case. Everything I know makes me question everything in my life even more.

But what has changed most about me is that I have only recently learned that it is ok to fall apart and it is ok for your friends to see it and see you like that. It is ok to depend on people and their support. It is ok to depend and it is ok to share more. No one will think less of me because of that. And I think I have really made progress with this and it has made me a better person, a better friend for sure.

The only thing is that I am not sure how my life choices have affected my friendships, or rather their quality. In my early twenties I decided that having a serious relationship, working hard for my studies and eventually gaining financial and all other kinds of independence from my parents is something to invest all my efforts in and that has kept me away from my friends for quite some time.

It does not mean I loved them less. No. I loved them the same and I missed them often but I kept my time and my energies focused on something else. My friendships have certainly suffered for that. And when rather recently, or in the past few years I re-evaluated some of my life choices and sort of tried to re-establish these important friendships I am not sure I fully succeeded. My friends accepted me back sort of with all the love and care as previously, but certainly not without some resentment. Not that any of it was ever said out loud. But i kind of feel it's there.

And I often wonder if our relationship will ever be the same.

Or if my struggle for sameness is actually a battle lost in advance as it is impossible.

And I should accept my friends and our relationships as they are and cherish them the best I can and hope we all grow old together.

XOXO
Mimi