A woman like me, for example

Not enough sanity or patience for a proper blog post these days. But I found this to be oh so true . . .

Fernanda Laguna, Argentina 

A woman like me, for example
(translation by Stuart Krimko)

A woman
doesn't deserve
the time
to dedicate herself
to things that interest her.
Because...

Is it because the things that interest a woman
aren't interesting?
Or is it because....
A woman doesn't show enough interest
in the things that interest her for others
to think they're interesting and give her the time?
Or is it because...
The interesting things she does are things that are interesting to someone else
precisely because they're things that someone else doesn't find interesting?

A woman asks herself
so many questions...
A woman like me, for example
who has a few brief moments
to do something that interests her.

And while these moments pass her by
she asks herself
Was this what I wanted to do?
Ask myself questions like these?
Waste this precious hour they have granted me
thinking about things I'm not even sure I want to think about?
Does a woman really deserve
the time to do the things she wants to do
if she doesn't know what she wants to do, really?
Does she deserve the time it takes
to believe that she wants to do something?
Does it even make sense to keep thinking about it?
It doesn't matter,
the lost time is what it is to be a woman.
A woman like me,
for example.

So it is and so it must be and so it must not be

When a female human being thinks of herself
she thinks
about whether she is a human being or not.
A woman believes she has to be so smart
that the rest of the world has to convince itself that in fact she's quite stupid
because deep down she believes that the more she's cast aside
the freer and happier she'll be,
cast aside to the place in life cast aside by the means of production.
That wondrous place where ungovernable things thrive,
ungraspable things,
things like life and death,
and time and love and secrets,
and beauty and intuition,
and the universe and everything inside it,
simple and meaningless things,
among other "things."

Or something like that... I think.
Anyway.... it's very difficult to finish a poem
and give it a fixed meaning.
But I did pretty good, right?
A woman is someone like me, for example.

Unlived Lives

“It seems a strange question until one realizes how much of our so-called mental life is about the lives we are not living, the lives we are missing out on, the lives we could be leading but for some reason are not. What we fantasize about, what we long for, are the experiences, the things and the people that are absent. It is the absence of what we need that makes us think, that makes us cross and sad.”

“All of us lead two parallel lives: the life we actually live and the one that we wish for and fantasize about. And this life unlived (the one that never actually happens, the one we might be living but for some reason are not) can occupy an extraordinary part of our mental life. We share our lives, in a sense, with the people we have failed to be – and this can become itself the story of our lives: an elegy to needs unmet, desires sacrificed and roads untaken….Adam Phillips demonstrates that there might in fact be much to be said for the unlived life. …he suggests that in missing out on one experience we always open ourselves to the potential of another, and that in depriving ourselves of the frustration of not getting what we think we want, we would be depriving ourselves of the possibilities of satisfaction.”

Adam Phillips, Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life

Daydreaming . . .

It's end of January almost and it feels like spring in Belgrade with unseasonably high daily temperatures. That kind of weather makes me feel all dizzy with the promise of sunnier and warmer days to come in a  few months. It also makes me think of summer holidays and days spent by the sea. This is where I feel at my best and where I want to spend my life . . . Alas . . .

For me, seaside is Greece, the Mediterranean, sun, olive trees, pristine beaches, crystal clear sea, great food, wine, and easy living in the long hours of siesta . . .

The pictures are from our last year's destination, the small village of Kalamitsi on the Sythonia/Halkidiki peninsula

 Every morning, without fault, the big blue beckons . . .

The small bay 

Mighty Mount Athos in the background

 Beautiful Salona/Thessaloniki/Solun

Outfit of the Day

Just because my head is about to burst and I like the particular color combo that I'm wearing today. And the shoes of course . . .

 I love this Mango cardie from the sales a few summers back, although I'm not sure about the vertical stripes across the hips, but - whatever ;-)

The shoes are one of my favorites. They are designed and made in Serbia, which makes me particularly happy as I like to wear local designer brands. Check out their facebook page LILU Fashion Shoes, they have some pretty rad designs!

The same pair, from another angle, styled by me ;)

Perfect pointy-toe, kitten heel black patent leather pumps - I could live in them!

I bought these at the end of summer sales so I can't wait for warm weather to actually wear them!

In other breaking news

Damian Lewis won a Golden Globe for his portrayal of Sgt. Brody in the Homeland. Woo-hoo! And looked hot doing it, see below:

Source

And I renewed my winter wardrobe with this beauty on sale:

Source

It should keep me toasty for at least two-three seasons, I think!

Together for 60 years

It is my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary today! Sixty years, people, sixty years of a balanced, harmonious marriage, based on love and respect, that's an achievement in itself!

That is not to say that there haven't been ups and downs, tough times, rough patches, call it what you want. And compromise. But given that my parents got married in 1953 and that both of them were born in 1930, you can see that we are dealing with people from another time, with a different set of values and a different attitude towards relationships, obligations, families, responsibilities. For them, marriage is something you enter into for all the right reasons - they were seriously in love when they got married - and then cherish and work on in order to make it last. It is not to be taken lightly, it is not to be dissolved, solutions and means are to be found, the family is to be kept together and ripe old age and death are to be faced together. Truly, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health . . .

I admire my grandparents for sticking to it, sticking with each other and making it work all these years. I've spent my childhood with them and I grew up on love and care that was always in abundance in their house. Money was never overflowing but there was always enough. My grandad was the bread-winner and my grandma the home maker, though a miracle worker might be a better term for that, given what she managed to do with just one salary.

It was not all plain sailing all the time. They've lived through some really tough times, like the war in former Yugoslavia, and loosing their birth place and members of their families to atrocities of the civil war. Between them, there was also mention of potential infidelity on my grandfather's part at one point, although, reportedly, it never went so far as to become physical. But my grandma suffered some for it, that I know.


Yet, they made it even through that.

It's hard for me to say whether my marriage will see the same ripe old age. But I know I want it to. And I'm willing to work on it! 


When talking to my grandparents yesterday, I heard about the weather predicament that could have prevented their wedding from taking place 60 years ago. My granddad spent 12 hours in a snow-blocked train up in the mountains of Lika before being able to reach the village and the whole wedding party that was waiting for him to go and get the bride and get married. There was a lot of drama involved, as we are talking of an age that didn't involve cell phones and wireless communication, so no one basically knew what was happening with him and where he was. Talk about nerve-wrecking!

But he made it and 60 years after they have two children, four grandchildren and two great granddaughters to show for!



p.s. pictures from the weekend spent in my home town in Serbia . . . 

Blah

Some snapshots from yesterday - a day spent in a car coming and going to/from Eastern Serbia. Not my favorite kind of day. I'm still in a mental and emotional daze from the hectic struggle to deal with the bank and get that loan . . . No definite answer yet, maybe next week when the holidays will be finally over . .

 The Rtanj Mountain, recently swarmed by thousands of those believing that in the event of the Armageddon that was supposed to happen in December being there would grant them salvation through a huge space ship that will take off of the mountain top . . . Whatever ;-)

See, I told you, holidays are no where near over! Cheesy Christmas decor all around the town

Shine bright!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson